THE NEW MANual – Tripp Lanier
Today, we continue the series of interviews with Next Level Guys. For this installment, I grabbed a few moments with Tripp Lanier of the New Man Podcast fame to discuss men and where we are going wrong as a gender.
WHO AM I TALKING TO?
Who: Tripp Lanier
Where is He normally
You can get his superb free video tip series at:
Why should I care?: Tripp’s material is life changing. There is no other way to put it. I discovered Tripp during a really bad time in my life. I was struggling with a lot of bullshit and I needed answers to some questions that were plaguing me. Unfortunately, men are very timid to talk about their problems and many will just try and hide away from their issues. I found Tripp’s site on one of my nights hunt for new material to digest online and I’ve never stopped listening. He covers a WIDE range of topics that appeal to all men, he gives as much great advice as he receives from his guests, he gets answers to the questions we are afraid to ask and he does so with one of the coolest voices I’ve heard on a podcast yet. You can’t help but like him! Check him out now!
SO WHAT DID TRIPP HAVE TO SAY?
NLG: Hi Tripp, thanks for joining us. You give out some awesome advice out on your site and interview leading experts but can you please tell me what advice has really hit home most for you in all the interviews that you’ve done?
TL: I think most of us are all swimming in the same water. And to some degree we’re all trying to prove something — that we’re smart enough, attractive enough, strong enough, manly enough, etc. Many of us aren’t even aware that this need to prove that we’re good enough is driving almost everything we do. It’s exhausting.
But the most powerful thing is realizing that underneath much of this “pursuit” is the reality that we’re already good enough just as we are. We’re worthy of love just as we are.
That’s a tough one for many to swallow. It can be for me and I find I have to remind myself regularly. “Yes, you can go create X,Y,Z and do this and that but don’t forget that you’re already good enough. This other shit doesn’t define who you truly are.”
Living life without something to prove is truly liberating. Try it sometime.
NLG: Good answer. We men seem to think we need to achieve things to be ‘complete’ when we are aalready all we need to be right now. So what in your opinion defines a ‘real man’?
TL: I don’t get into the discussion about what a “real man” is. Sadly, I think most of us are looking too far outside of ourselves for direction. It’s natural and to a large extent fear based. “If I don’t fit in, if I don’t appear to be a ‘real man’ then something bad may happen.” The gutsiest thing we can do is to listen to ourselves, to be who we really are — even if that means being rather feminine or going against the grain of what many may judge to be “manly.” To me, that takes true strength.
NLG: I like it. Stop being what you think others want to be and instead listen to that little voice inside and be what you really desire. In today’s age, men face considerably different problems to those that our Grandfathers would have. What do you think is the biggest problems that men face in modern day society?
I was at a concert and saw thousands of folks watching the show through their phones as they recorded it. My guess is that very few of them will actually go back and watch this shaky video with crappy sound. They missed the opportunity to be impacted by the music and the others enjoying it.
I was at an NFL game a while back and was sitting a few rows from the field. Amazing seats. There was a young man in front of me sitting down watching *the same game* on his phone. He was missing this amazing experience of being in a crowded stadium full of excited people.
I work with some younger men in my coaching practice and texting is robbing them of their ability to relate and connect with women. They’re missing the opportunities to learn how to read and interpret the signals women and other people give us.
And I’m guilty of getting sucked into a screen at home instead of playing with my daughter on the phone. Days of playing with my daughter are numbered. Do I really want to be on my phone instead of laughing and giggling with her? Of course not.
Again, I’m not anti-tech, but I think it’s sad that more of us are choosing to miss out on the amazing experiences happening all around us. Being checked out impacts everything we truly care about and want. Being distracted places a wall between ourselves and what we truly want in life.
NLG: I’m guilty of that! We need to stop trying to record life and instead actually live in the moment of the event as it happens. The ironic thing is that Social Media has caused us to forget how to be Social!
I get a lot of emails from people who want to change but feel they ‘just can’t’ due to X, Y or Z. What advice would you give someone who wants to change but feels he ‘just can’t’ because of depression or whatever – how can they just ‘let go’ and be who they want to be?
TL: I’m not a mental health professional so I won’t speak to depression or mental illness other than to say, if you’re depressed get professional help. As for “letting go” and being who they are — it’s about baby steps. Clarify one thing you would do if you weren’t afraid or if you didn’t have to prove XYZ. It doesn’t matter how small. Then find the smallest step you can take towards doing that. Do that everyday. We’ve heard this many times. It’s a cliche because it’s true.
This is where having a coach is helpful. A good coach will help you clarify what you really want, what actions would be satisfying, and then hold you accountable to follow through.
No idea alone is going to really make the change. Making different choices and behaviors creates change.
NLG: Your site is littered with Grade-A interviews, many of which I have favorited on my computer. However, what do you consider your three best interviews personally and why?
TL: I loved the “How to Navigate an Woman’s Emotional Minefield” series with my wife, Alyson Schwabe Lanier and Christiane Pelmas. It was juicy to talk about my attraction for other women with my wife and to do so in front of the mics.
Click here for part 1
Click here for part 2
And I really enjoyed interviewing Laird Hamilton. There’s something really rewarding about how an interview may start off with a structured vibe and then start to relax into just a good conversation. I love that. This show hasn’t gone live yet. It’ll be up in February. Stay tuned.