No More Mr. Nice Guy
“One of the best books I’ve ever read on men’s emotional health and development.” (Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Models)
Dr. Robert Glover’s groundbreaking book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, has helped create a worldwide movement of men seeking to become more conscious, authentic, empowered, and successful.
Just what is a Nice Guy, why is being nice a problem, and why would someone write a book that teaches men to be not nice? A Nice Guy, according to Dr. Glover, is a man who believes he is not okay, just as he is. Due to both societal and familial conditioning, this man is convinced he must become what he thinks others want him to be in order to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others. This inauthentic and chameleon-like approach to life causes Nice Guys to feel frustrated, confused, and resentful. Subsequently, these men are often anything but nice.
In fact, Nice Guys are generally:
- Self-centered and narcissistic
Common Nice Guy patterns include giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, caretaking, fixing, people pleasing, avoiding conflict, unsatisfying relationships, and issues with sexuality, pornography, and compulsive masturbation. The paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is driven by three faulty covert contracts:
- If I am good, then I will be liked and loved (and the women I want to have sex with will want to have sex with me).
- If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
- If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
These covert contracts create a roadmap for life that rarely results in the Nice Guy getting what he really wants. Thankfully, there are answers.
No More Mr. Nice Guy teaches men how to:
- Set boundaries and handle conflict
- Live with purpose and passion
- Release toxic shame
- Soothe anxiety
- Differentiate from fused emotional systems
- Connect with men and build tribe
- Have satisfying relationships
- Experience great sex
- Live life on their terms
- Achieve success
- Live up their potential in work and career
This process allows the recovering Nice Guy to move through:
- Social anxiety and shyness
- Low self-esteem
- Loneliness and hopelessness
- Feelings of failure
- Lack of confidence and purpose
- Compulsive behaviors and addictions
- Feeling stuck in life
Contrary to what the title might seem to imply, No More Mr. Nice Guy does not teach men how to be not nice. In fact, Dr. Glover shows men how to become what he calls an Integrated Male. Becoming integrated doesn’t mean becoming different or better. It means being able to accept all aspects of one’s self. An integrated male is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his humor, his courage, and his mission, as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, his rough edges, and his dark side. If you are single and are frequently told you are “too nice” and end up in the friend zone, if you are married and frustrated with conflicts or lack of sex, or if you are rotting in middle management in the workplace, this book is for you. If you are ready to get what you want in love, sex, and life, No More Mr. Nice Guy will show you how. Dr. Glover holds a Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy and is committed to empowering men to achieve dating and relationship success. He is a recovering Nice Guy.